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I wasn't planning to put anything on my blog after mom's passing, not really my thing, and it didn't seem like it would have been her thing……..
She was proud of my work on my blog, but complained about too many "Shake Girls" on my website (whatever that means) 🙂
But, as I confessed on my About Me page, mama was the real reason I started this wellness blog in the first place…..
……because it seemed to me, the medical and religious communities failed her in her 35 year fight with cancer.
I'm by no means saying "God" failed her, I feel we're missing the point of what God is telling us, in that health and healing doesn't require a lot of drama, like God coming down as a burning bush….
……we just need to make use of the endless array of God-given health and healing agents all around us, and tap into God-given health and healing knowledge that is liberally given when we seek it out.
But, this is not the place for that rant. Nonetheless, I originally decided on "No Blog Article", until I undertook the gruesome task nobody wanted, that being to go through her storage basement, throwing junk into the dumpster…..
…… to help get her Co-Op apartment cleaned up and ready for sale, when a shoebox full of photos fell off a shelf to the floor.
So now, I got a problem, in that, if I throw these photos in the dumpster, with the old cans of spray paint and stuff like that, it would feel like mama never existed, and that's a big a problem…………
……because she did live ……………….and she did exist
So, I figured I'd put together something a little different to share with family and friends of hers….
….she would not want a "she was such a great person" Web-Eulogy. That would merely be stating the obvious……..though I will say one thing we all new, she was the most "giving" person I ever knew.
So let me do it spontaneously creative, and come up with some little things people may not have known, since I'm said to have an uncanny memory of little things that everyone else forgets….
My Top 10 Things…
…many people may not have known about my mother, Barbara Wallace
10. Mama's favorite "Heartthrobs" – though she said she thought Dennis Edwards of the Temptations was "cute", she would go crazy when Tom Jones was singing on TV (…you know, the "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone", the "Fresh Prince, Carlton Dance" singer).
Not sure what that was about, but that's what I remember…..
9. Mama was a spontaneous "practical jokester" – In her loving but in my opinion somewhat serious disciplinarian nature, she had this tendency to play these insane practical jokes once or twice a year…
……like she would just throw a firecracker in the kitchen while the kids were eating dinner, or put trick candles on birthday cakes at adult birthday parties, which couldn't be blown out……never sure what was up with all that, cause she was so serious most of the time.
8. Mamma's biggest regret – she wasn't really a complainer, but I remember her saying she felt we should have had a better house, and better living situation when her kids were young. Not sure why she said this to me when I was 12 years old.
7. Mama had a "Militant streak" in her – she was always respectful of authority, but I remember her always making what I would call militant statements.
She hated the oppression in South Africa, and when Jimmy Carter called for 16 year olds to pre-register for the draft and I had to go register, she flew into a rage about the government, and told me not to do it.
6. Mama, the ultimate church going woman, had a love for "blood and gore" movies – not sure what was going on with her with this love for horror movies, with folks heads being lopped off and all that.
When I once asked her about it, she said "I'm gonna have to pray on that".
5. I never heard mama ask for anything for herself – except the day when I was about 10 and I eavesdropped on her crying and my father asked what was wrong and what she wanted, and she said she wanted a sewing machine.
I remember peeking in at the adults at her birthday party a month later, a brand new sewing machine was right there, with her sisters doing the Oooooh's and Ahhhhhh's. (I remember closing the door and going back to my toys because I didn't know what all the "hoop-lah" was about, it just looked like any other sewing machine to me).
4. Mama hated school – not sure why she would confide this to a 7 year old kid, but she said she hated school and hated studying.
I'm wondering if that was that some "reverse psychology", to trick me. Me being a rebel by nature, proceeded to rebel against her and love school, to eventually become the "almost" straight-A student. Hmmm, slick move mom !! 🙂
3. "If it ain't black, then send it back" – Mama had all these porcelain figurines of angels and such and people would sometimes buy her new ones, but it had to be "Black Angels"…
….. and if it wasn't black, then you and her had a problem.
2. Mama "produced", "directed", and "starred" in her own funeral ……she picked the dress, she had a diagram of how her usher gloves and badge should be laid in the casket next to her, she picked who she wanted to sing and what songs. And the final note she had on that crumpled up sheet of paper was:
"UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE WHOLE CEREMONY LAST MORE THAN ONE HOUR……".
And true the director's script, we were in there and out of there in 55 minutes………….that was Mama (though our whole family has always had a tendency towards "Theatrics") 🙂
1. Mamma held on til she saw me one last time – …so the story is spreading, which I wasn't told after she passed away last Thursday night, 7/7/16, after I rushed to Chicago from Seattle.
Which might explain why she came out of near death hospice state when I walked in the room and gave me a feeble hug. And three hours later…..she was gone
HEY MAMA!! I know you're listening!!! Thanks for putting up with all my loud music when I bought my first stereo from my first job in High School. But Mama, please, just one more song……
…..just one more, for your journey on home 🙂
The Spinners: "Sadie"
(from me to you "my best friend", I'll be playing this one til we meet again, I Love You 🙂 )
(below, and finally) and "Peace to You" also, my best friend, you earned your rest….
And one final word I will write for you in your absence, "BARBARA OUT" !!!! 🙂
click here or below for all my articles in
"Food for Thought" (a.k.a., "Soul Food")
16 Responses
Doug,
What a heartfelt tribute to your mom. It brings peace in a time of sorrow. I'm sure she is smiling down on you right now and very proud of her son. I believe from her perspective, she now sees the big picture. Your humanitarian motives are totaly transparent. The focus you bring to good health and well being in all its forms will undoubtedly give you a long life in which to spread your knowledge, wisdom and light.
Namaste.
Thanks Bob-ster,
Always a pleasure to hear your unique perspective on things 🙂
Doug
Beautifully done. I just love looking at old photos *sigh.* God bless… God bless… God bless. (It's a thing with me)
Hi Mary,
Thanks for the kind words. Funny, because I’ve got that same thing with old photos. Never figured out what it is. Except maybe those faces, those eyes, they were real people with the same hopes and dreams as the rest of us.
….I thought that was just me, having a thing with those old photos. The first one in the blue dress is incredible……
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and comment 🙂
Doug
I am so very sorry and sad to hear about the loss of your mum. Such a beautiful lady and a lovely tribute to her. With deepest sympathy. x
Hi Yvette,
Thanks for the kind words. It’s really important to hear, cause you know I’m a guy…..and I had to dress her up right and send her out right over the web.
Some of those vintage retro outfits were out of control, but I’m assuming modern women can appreciate the fashion.
Thanks for the “Web Love” 🙂
Doug
So sorry for your family's loss. You wrote a beautiful post, and based on what your wrote your mother was an honest, authentic, beautiful person. I am sending prayers, and positive energy your way Doug. Keep up the good fight.
Hi Brynda,
Thanks for your kind comments. Yeah, she was a great woman, mother and friend.
Hope I gave a great “Cyber-Send-Off”
Doug at Gaia Health Blog
What a beautiful mother you were blessed! Her beautiful spirit shines through as well.
Hi Pamela,
Yeah, a beautiful woman through and through, she was !!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment….
….and thanks for the “Web Love” 🙂
Doug at Gaia Health Blog
Doug,
My condolences on the loss of your mother. My own mother, Barbara, left us in December 2005, 2 weeks after her 70th birthday. Your story is near and dear to my own heart. It's an adjustment, one day at a time. She did a great job raising you. Im sure she will continue to be proud of you.
Sincerely, A.W.
Hey AW,
Thanks for the encouraging words. And you right, one day at a time. But it is still strange that I proced to pick up the phone and call as I do once a week, but realize I can’t.
Doug
Doug,
I came across this blog this morning. I love this about your Mom. Just wanted you to know I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and will come back again in the near future. I read about all the women over 50 and getting inspired. I will be looking more into maca. Thanks!
Kind regards,
Carla
Hi Carla Miller,
Thanks for your kind words about my website. I get a great message like this every 2-3 months, and I must admit it is still a thrill to get those type of accolades about my work. I don’t do this for profit (note no pop-up ads), just a passion for health and wellness. The whole site became what it was because I originally thought my health science oriented site would be boring, so it became a place for awesome photography and a great web browse, hot bodies, phat cribs, and all that. I figured I can slip the health science in easier that way after I got people’s attention.
Anyway, it became a true expression of myself, with all my passions, energies, all my favorite songs, crazy experience with women, just a lot of fun.
I’m got a lot of feedback about how people have been help in the health and wellness journey with various pieces of information I presented, and I feel blesses to have shared some God-Given research knowledge to help make the world a better, healthier place.
~stay healthy~
Doug at Gaia Health Blog
Doug,
I absolutely loved this article. I love how you said that God didn’t fail your mom, the church did, the medical community did. I feel the exact same way about my dad who also fought the fight against cancer. Your mom was a gorgeous woman and I can see her beautiful spirit in every photo. I believe, with all my heart, that all we need to be healthy is right here in the natural world around us. I believe we were created for the earth, to care for her, love her, nurture her and tend to her and in return, she provides all we need to be healthy, happy, complete and whole.
Hi Darlene,
First of all, sorry to hear about your father. It’s definitely not a “cliche” when I say, “I know how you feel”
Thanks for such an inspiring and encouraging message. I was actually playing the song embedded in that article this morning. It no longer brings me to tears, but a little watery eyed, mixed with a feeling of Joy underneath, for some reason.
I don’t think I ever mentioned anywhere in my blog that my mother grew up very poor, and she told me they had bed bugs really bad, and the girls in the family (eight of them) would spray DDT (or DEET, not sure which) in the bed every night. All the girls got and eventually died from cancer, none of the six boys got cancer, mom said the boys never sprayed their beds, like boys, they didn’t really care as much. We agreed a few years back that was the root of mom’s and her sisters cancer.
Along with that, I’ve learned that you can kill bedbugs naturally with a product called Diatomaceous Earth, with is a powder made from the dust of seashells and volcanic rock, I’ve used it to kill silverfish bugs and ants in my home. It’s harmless to any human or large animal, it’s actually edible, many people take it for health, and they feed it to cattle and such to kill intestinal parasites. But for some reason, it kill anything small like an ant or other insect, something to do with the powder getting into their digestive track or under their skin. So once again, I’m just saying we have all the solutions we need supplied by mother nature we just have to tap into divine insights. Unfortunately, they are all dead, and never got any insights to that very simple solution. I actually have a little shaker of Diatomaceous Earth I shake onto the mattress at hotels, just in case there are bedbugs, but maybe that is a little paranoia there …….
That Chemotherapy had mom down to a skin and bones skeleton those last weeks of her life, and I’m still haunted by the visual of it in my head. I was passionate about health and wellness for the past decade or so, but that visual of mom on her death bed has cranked up my passion to spread the word even more. I’m just trying to be as creative with it and make it as interesting and trendy to the masses as I can.
Anyway thanks for taking the time to read and comment
~stay healthy~
Doug at GAIA Health Blog